Love or fear are the primary filters or energies that governs our lives as human beings. As individuals, love or fear is the basis of how we treat ourselves and others. Love or fear is also the basis of your character. And our character is a choice we make – consciously or unconsciously. Which will you choose? Let us start by uncovering what Fear actually is and how it shows up.
Did you know that fear is experienced in your mind but it triggers a strong physical reaction in your body?
As soon as you recognize fear, your amygdala goes to work. It alerts your nervous system, which sets your body’s fear response into motion. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released. Your blood pressure and heart rate increase. You start breathing faster. Even your blood flow changes — blood actually flows away from your heart and into your limbs, making it easier for you to start throwing punches, or run for your life.
In brief: Your body is preparing for fight-or-flight.
This reaction from our bodies may have been super beneficial back in the days where there was indeed a high chance you could be eaten by a saber-tooth tiger when you went off to find food to eat…Or, say you are a caucasian woman and find yourself alone in Costa Rica in a dodgy area at night in the city, your body is on high alert for any unwanted followers stalking you in the dark…
Yes, fear is a natural and biological condition that we all experience, and it’s important that we experience fear because it keeps us safe!
However…
Nowadays, for most people living in the 1st world, our fears might seem less dramatic, and with fear’s excessive presence in our lives, it can be a huge drain on our vital energy and an obstacle to our happiness. We can probably empathize more closely in today’s age with fears around health and social and financial security.
In these cases, fear makes us step back, hide, move away and play small. Fear acts as a self-protection mechanism that can limit our opportunities to learn, grow and evolve into a higher version of ourselves. It is only when we open up and meet our fears with love that we can feel light and free and dare to create the life that we really want.
The key to any self-transformation is to KNOW THY SELF. As you become more aware of your body’s sensations, of your behavioral patterns, of the triggers that put you on edge, of the stories you tell yourself, you then become empowered to choose the right response, to choose the right decision for YOU, which is aligned with your highest self: your true self (which stems out of Love – always).
So, how do you know you are living in Fear? Well, much to your chagrin, many of us are living in fear. Some of us are more conscious than others, but it’s important to start shedding the light of awareness in the areas of our lives and to our behavioral patterns that are aligning with Fear and not Love.
- Perfectionism. The need to be perfect is a mask we wear to protect ourselves from finding true intimacy and connection.
- Settling. On the other hand, settling for less than you deserve is a powerful indicator you’re letting your need for certainty run your life. If you don’t have an extraordinary, passionate relationship and a job you love, you’re living in fear.
- Procrastination. Always putting your goals off until “tomorrow” or “when I have more time” is a classic delay tactic of those who are living in fear. It’s time to stop making excuses and start achieving your dreams.
- Numbing yourself. When you’re living in a beautiful state, you don’t need drugs or alcohol to enjoy your life. You’re open to the world, you’re the master of your emotions and you feel pure joy each and every day.
So you now may be asking yourself: But why am I fearful? How is it manifesting through me? To answer this question we must look at our emotions.
Put simply, at the root of every negative emotion is fear.
If you are angry, jealous, worried, upset, distrustful, anxious, hurt, blaming, shameful, insecure, distrustful etc. – you are coming from a place of fear. Your are living from the ego. The ego is of our own construction and leads us to believe it is our self-identity – what we do, what we have, what others think of us and our perceived power over others. The ego bases its reality off of external factors, and therefore always at risk of not being in control over what others think about us.
The ego is your lesser self – the “mini me”.
To live from Love not fear, on a practical level, is to shift from a goal of protecting our ego (being right, winning the argument, being not to blame) into being Kind (loving in our actions). We must be willing to stop proving that we’re a good person and actually BE that good person. We must be courageous enough to open our heart and BE LOVE even when our ego is screaming in fear.
We’ve come to the juicy part: How do we break free from fear?
Luckily for everyone, dancing with fear is a skill that can be learned and honed. Here is a simple yet powerful step by step process to bring conscious awareness to your experiences and become empowered to switch your mindset and choose to respond with Love.
- IDENTIFY: Identify where you feel fear in your body, when you notice that you are beginning to tense up and cave in.
- SHIFT: Once you identify the source, you can change your story – and change your mindset. The first step is recognizing that you have a choice. You can blame outside forces for your emotions and continue to feel out of control. Or you can take charge of your life and learn how to stop living in fear.
- ACCEPT: It’s human to feel fear! It’s part of the process to becoming Free. Embrace your humanness with compassion and patience.
- ACT: Feel fear and ask the question anyways, feel fear and apply anyways. Feel fear and call him/her anyways. Whenever you show courage to choose to act even though you are afraid, you are building more confidence in yourself.
The idea is to be aware of the process and aware of our choices. You are building that muscle for the bigger leaps and decisions you will be making in life.
Finally, I’d like to end with sharing a few ways that you can take (feel free to chose which one’s you resonate most with and are comfortable with at this stage of the game) as you begin to return to your innate state of being – Love.
You return to love by:
- Setting a powerful intention to let go of fear and honor only Love.
- Opening up to the infinite choices and possibilities – the present moment, and no longer from a place of fear and limitations – the past.
- Forgiving everything and everyone, yourself including and by nurturing only kind, forgiving, and loving thoughts for all those who might have hurt you in the past.
- Making peace with your doubts and insecurities. And by filling your heart with love, trust, and compassion towards yourself, others, and life itself.
- Accepting and embracing all parts of you, no matter if you perceive them as good, bad, or ugly. And by pouring your constant love onto yourself and all that you are, do, and have.
- Realizing that you are ENOUGH… always have been and always will be.
- Taking the time to do things you love and noticing your body and mind change.
- Spending time outside in nature – observing, admiring, and contemplating the beauty of life.
- Nurturing kind and loving thoughts about yourself and about the world around you; thinking, talking, and focusing only onto that which you want to have happened in your life;
- Surrendering to what is. Trusting that everything in life is happening exactly the way it should be happening. And that we all have something to learn from both the good and the bad.
- Expressing gratitude and appreciation for everything that comes your way
- Understanding that you don’t have to do more of anything and you don’t have to acquire more stuff, have more friends, and make more money in order for you to feel whole, worthy, and complete.
You return to LOVE, not by getting more, having more, and doing more. But by BE-ing more of who you truly are: happy, content, peaceful, graceful, grateful, unlimited, beautiful, creative, genius, divine.
