What Is A Descent And Why Is It Important?
A descent is a time in your life that feels darker, heavier and uncomfortable.
They are the times when everything you thought you knew starts to come crumbling down.
We come face to face with reality that everything is constantly changing – including you.
And for some reason, we choose to resist this fundamental law of nature. And we suffer for we want to attach ourselves to so many things that make us feel safe and in the “known” – identities, roles, status, material possessions, relationships etc.
And yet, life will try to nudge (or shove) you into the abyss once, twice, or maybe many times, as a test to see if you are willing to live up to your fullest potential.
Are you ready to descend? Let’s find out.
A Catalyst For Growth
A catalyst of our descent is often a challenging life event. It can come in many forms such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, a time you felt rejected, the end of a job, the unravelling of something in your business or in your career, a health diagnosis, physical pain, illness, struggles, burnout, motherhood, and the list goes on.
These events all have a common denominator – they are uncomfortable, unpleasant and not easy to navigate. Yet they are an essential part of being Human.
The silver lining lies when we choose to allow ourselves to fully experience them, and take away their wisdom messages.
Our journey into the darkness, our descent into the abyss, holds within it all the keys to end our suffering, with the potential to bring about deeper levels of connection, love and intimacy – both within ourselves and with the world.
The Dark Night Of The Soul
These times can bring about big ego-deaths, for we are forced to look at what lies beyond our limited perception of reality and begin to question our beliefs. Bigger questions come to the forefront: We question our relationships, our habits and our reason for existing.
Our descent can also be referred to a dark night of the soul, nudging us to take a step into the underworld, to take a step into the unknown and invite us to shed what we thought was true.
Many of us cannot tap into the potentiality of transformation as we descend into the underworld for fear.
It’s not so much the event itself that we are afraid of, it’s the fear to actually feel the pain, the raw physical sensations and emotional feelings that come with the event.
Confronting The Darkness
We fear what we don’t know and have not learned how to trust our own body’s to hold this kind of transformative energy. We haven’t cultivated enough strength in our body to withstand the darkness. We have to first prepare our body with enough vital life force energy so that we can channel and allow the flow of love to shine brighter than the darkness of fear.
But if we pull away too quickly, we emerge still with a heaviness and darkness that will continue to follow us and manifest in our behaviors.
Our responsibility is to prepare ourselves to hold the sensations that come with the more crunchy and uncomfortable aspects of our real, raw human experiences.
The beauty is that the more skilled you become at navigating these periods of your life, the easier these hard times become.
They no longer become things we resist and fight against. They are a gift.
Effectively navigating our descent is how we are able to meet and be with the deeper, darker and more uncomfortable aspects of life – to feel and journey through them.
Cycles Of Nature
As women, we can move through seasons of descent every month and throughout stages of our life.
Just like the new moon goes to a full moon, we rise from our bleed to ovulation, experiencing more energy, creativity, initiating action and projects.
Just like the full moon goes back to a new moon, we also go through a descent from our ovulation to our bleed, where we are shedding, reflecting and learning the lessons from this phase of the cycle. This is our descent.
We start to meet things inside of us that we have not been dealing with. This is why we experience pre-menstrual symptoms, bringing up feelings of irritability, mood swings, fatigue and food cravings.
In this second cycle we are being asked to feel, face and witness what is coming up.
As women, we are blessed with an invitation each month to become more comfortable to navigate this descent. To slow down, to go inwards. To meet the darker & heavier parts of yourself that are asking for your attention.
We also see these descents in seasons.
In the fall we begin to shed and let go of what no longer is serving us. We learn the wisdom lessons from our summer season of actions, and prepare to retreat inwards.
Winter is the season of descent, where we bask in longer nights and slower moving yin energy. Winter gives us more time to look at the darker, crunchier aspects of self that may have gone overridden by summer’s radiant outward energy.
In the spring we emerge and ascend from the darkness and reach up for the hope of lighter, warmer days to come. This rising brings with it another process of purification and cleansing as we shed the layers that kept us warm in winter, and build up energy to rise and shine.
Summer is the season we ascend to blossom, celebrate and take aligned action on the desires, vision and dreams we planted in the spring. This is where we show up in our radiance, sharing our light for everyone to benefit.
The caveat here is that most people just want to ascend, aligning with their soul’s purpose, feeling upbeat and with high vibes. We are averse to feeling heavy emotions or pain. We want to avoid our emotions and think positively above them. Yet this is unrealistic and doesn’t allow us to experience the fullest of life as a whole and integrated human being.
When things feel heavy, dark, difficult, uncomfortable, you know how to journey them. This is stuff we can’t avoid.
Playing The Game Of Avoidance & Numbing
What we need to learn is how to feel more safe and skilled to be able to meet deeper, darker spaces in yourself so that you don’t have to avoid them when things come up.
What do you tend to do when hard things happen? Do you tend to run away? Are you always trying to quickly get back to what feels good? Ie: putting on high energy music, drinking coffee, going for a run? I know for me my coping mechanism was running and eating. I would literally be running away from the emotional pain I felt!
We constantly try to avoid and escape anything that feels heavy and difficult. Our response is two-fold: Either we avoid things we don’t like about ourselves or we become victimized and drown in those experiences.
If something doesn’t work out, you begin to victimize yourself by saying things like “why is this is happening TO me” instead of “what if this is happening FOR my Soul’s expansion”?.
You begin to feed on stories about yourself. This leads to a variety of coping/numbing mechanisms, a lot of them substance abuses such as eating, drugs, sex, alcohol, and a feeling that you just want to give up on everything.
We desperately try to grasp onto anything that will soothe us (temporarily) for the pain we feel, ultimately causing us to numb out and disconnect form our body.
What we are being invited to do is to feel the raw and alive felt sensation of pain that is begging for our attention and love instead of ignoring it.
Our job is to turn inwards, connect with our body, and meet those hurt places with compassion, presence and love.
Below I’m offering 5 keys to navigate challenging seasons in our life from an embodied, safe and empowered feminine approach.
5 Keys To Navigate Your Descent
1. Practice acceptance – Come to a place of acceptance. Truly be with what life brings your way! This doesn’t mean you like this or want more of this. It means that you are just letting it be. You can either accept or resist and fight it. You may want to control things. The more you go into resistance, the more you will struggle. Acceptance is a state of openness. The feminine is always being invited to open. She is an open receptive energy. Be willing to open to what life is bringing – receive it, allow it, even if it is uncomfortable over closing and shutting down.
2. Come into your body – Oftentimes we want to stay in your mind to try to analyze and make sense of things. When we are going on a descent, nothing will make sense. Everything is confusing and that’s ok! You are in the mush, in the void, in the grey. Every cycle of descent is taking you on a journey of self-transformation and alchemy, inviting you to shed and let parts of your die. Everything is going to feel chaotic. You are in a transition and you need to allow yourself to be there. Get into the sensation that is rising up in your body and out of the story that you create in your mind. Let yourself feel and move this energy through the body. This is the process of transmutation: from anger into passion, grief into compassion, fear into trust.
3. Feel your emotions – Let yourself go to the depths of the emotions coming up. Let yourself be with the pain, the heartache, the grief, the loss, the hurt. And over time, the more you can feel these emotions, the greater your capacity is to hold them. The more you can hold these emotions and sensations, the more there is nothing left to be afraid of. We are most afraid of what we are going to have to feel (emotion, sensation, pain). But if you know that no matter what emotions come up, you can feel, meet and hold them and you will still be ok, then there is nothing to be afraid of. So let yourself sob, cry, rage, hit pillows. Do what you need to move the stagnant energy out of your body.
4. Get comfortable with the void/the unknown – When you are in the void, in the complete unknown – let yourself be there. Get better in holding the void. Get to a space where you don’t need to know what you will do next. This will be revealed to you as you begin to ascend. All the clarity will come with your willingness to be in the void. Whatever is coming out from your descent, the transformation that is happening, it is all birthing something new & different. You will not emerge the same if you give yourself enough space and time in the darkness of your underworld. If you are in your head and go up too quickly you may recreate what you had before.
The descent is where you let things go. Let them burn and become ashes. Let them leave your body. We come out renewed, reborn, rebirth. Life won’t take something from you unless it’s meant to go. There is wisdom in the unknown. In complete surrender and openness. The challenge here is to allow yourself to be cracked open. Ask yourself: What is the universe trying to show me? What do you want me to learn? What am I being called to let go of? Who am I ready to become out on the other side? Extract the wisdom from the descent and let yourself be in the unknown.
Unfortunately, nothing in our society teaches us to stay in our descent. We are praised for being happy, positive and productive, and there still is fear and resistance around experiencing the full spectrum of our emotions (both as the experiencer and the receiver).
Yet being in our descent and alchemizing the darkness within and around us is the feminine path and one we must reclaim for ourselves. We are being called to expand our capacity to hold ourselves within the felt sensation of our emotions and watch as we rise from our own ashes. This process is essential for our own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, and ultimately that of our communities and planet.
Every time you go on a descent, you are expanding your capacity to receive – both sensations of pain and pleasure. The more sensations you can hold in your body, the more sensations you can hold in your life.
5. You don’t need to journey alone
Share with the closest people what you are going through – allow yourself to receive support, to be vulnerable – bring your messiness, pain, grief, challenges to be seen. Let people witness you in that state. You will naturally start to emerge from the descent feeling lighter. You will start to feel like you can more forward, but with new insight.
Know that you will rise again – in a new way – more empowered, stronger, with new insights, learnings, cleansed and more aligned. The deeper you descend, the higher you rise. This is the gift of pain, challenges and darker times we all experience as humans.
You will ultimately be transformed in a way that brings you more into alignment with your Soul’s purpose and deepest heart callings.
